I don't want to lose you in life's crazy sea." wb
Today's post will be quite long. I apologize for the inconvenience but it will be filled with a life lesson as you will shortly see. Today is Halloween. I woke up with a sore throat which automatically ruins the day. Yesterday I felt it building inside while I stood around at work all day thinking of better places, people, and areas that I could be around. A sore throat ruins everything throughout your day every time you swallow. It's inconvenient. This was problem #1.
Problem #2. While I was at work yesterday cleaning a large mechanism, which cooks all of the barbecue that Black's Barbecue has ever produced, I had a brief conversation with this girl via texting. Mind you I am already morose at the point because of what I am doing with myself on a Saturday afternoon. I'm not complaining about the job because every job is important but on this particular day it wasn't where I wanted to be. Now when I say brief I mean it. It was one of those conversations where I get the one answer replies and very general answers. Totally fine. Conversation through text message cannot convey the emotion or thought that a phone call or a face to face conversation can. And to be honest I get it. I get when those conversations are like that, there's probably a good chance you don't wanna talk. Honesty. Just be honest and if I ask why you don't want to talk, its just for my personal well being as to know so next time I can fix that problem for the next person. But what I don't understand is how when I am with that person there is so much more to us than that text conversation. She's more alive to the thought of US and she has this synergy to her that is just so obvious. So the text conversation ends with me asking her if I can talk to her after school. She replies, "I don't think that's a good idea." Why is that?. No answer. I can tell she wants to try but somethings holding it back. Text messages and online chats are a complete failure between the two of us but face to face its real. Who knows, I may be wrong. Probably so. But I can still feel what I feel. So there, love problems. A dime a dozen.
Problem #3. School. School is just kicking my ass right now. So many projects with very high expectations. Graduation is finally in sight. Its only getting harder. What can I say about it that's different than what every other college kid is experiencing in their senior year right now! Nothing. But just because it's not an original problem doesn't mean I'm still not going through it or that it's not easy. It's completely ok though. I feel confident in what I'm going to do when I get out of school. I have a bright career ahead of me and an exciting life.
With all of these things bothering me on one of the most anticipated days of the year, I can honestly say that with the news I heard this morning, none of them could mean a damn thing to me at the moment. I grew up in a small town called Clover, SC. I still live here with my parents while I commute to school and work every day. Clover is one of those towns where it is great to grow up in and great to settle down in but nothing in between. It has a lot of good people and a lot of good atmosphere. A family that is dear to a lot of people is the Killian Family. They've always had a big presence in town ever since I was in kindergarten with two of the kids, Danielle and Lee (Cousins). They have always been good people and have always been nice to me. They are smart kids, good at sports, and popular. The whole 9 yards. I graduated in 2007 with Danielle and Lee but shortly before we walked in May, Lee was in an car accident. This accident paralyzed him from the waste down. He had a baseball scholarship. This was mind blowing news to the community and I could only imagine what it was like to be in their family. Its been a few years now and Lee still fights his battles day by day. As I write this I find it harder and harder to tell people what I am about to say. Danielle had a younger brother named Chandler. He was a year younger than us. As I woke up this morning and browsed through Facebook. I kept seeing messages of Rip Chandler Killian. Naturally I was shocked and wanted to find out what happened. Last night, Chandler had shot himself. Reasons I have no idea or should they be shared here. It is not my place to say..... The news hit me hard and I still can't believe it. With the whole area asking themselves why do these things happen? Why him? Why? They're questions we might never understand. I only hope and pray that his family will heal to their fullest in this very hard time. With what happened to Lee several years ago and now this...I can only imagine.
So with all of this being said, I sit here thinking that those first three problems are so small, so ridiculous to think about when something like this happens. I sit and complain and worry about problems like that all the time and its not doing any good in doing so. Things like those problems really get my down from time to time and they really affect me. When things like this happen though it puts me in check and makes me realize what all I have to be thankful for. I have the most absolute best friends I could ever ask for. From the ones that go to school with me now to ones I work with, went to other colleges and high school with, and played in bands with. I cannot thank them enough for when they've been there for me. I have an absolutely beautiful family who is so loving that I couldn't ask for anything else from. My family and friends are my rock. Like you may have come to the conclusion earlier, I don't have the third type of love which is romantic love but I do have love through my family and friends and it is very strong. I hope that people who hear of Chandler's passing will not just grieve but they will realize the same. Its ok to be sad. Its what humans do in times like these. I know his death is bigger however. I believe it will inspire and educate kids that come through this town for many years to come. I believe it will ignite kids who are already here and teach them that life is way to short to be worrying about things like stupid girls and school and that they need to get out there and do what it is they love. Death is a course we all must take in life and it can actually be a beautiful thing sometimes. In times like these we bring ourselves closer to the values we as people depend on. We can no longer hold back ourselves because it is just not the way to do things. Enjoy yourself for being here, enjoy yourself for the things you do and the things you love and the people you love. Enjoy every second because we don't know what will happen. And these are encouraging thoughts. While people lose a good man, we all gain something from it. We must live our lives as we were going to but add the fact that we have a little more meaning to them now. I ask that each person that reads this just know that when we do lose people, they are not lost. I love you all and especially those with open minds and open hearts. You all have a purpose and reason for everything you do in this world and the next, and that's more exciting than anything else in your life.
With love,
William Brooks
